Last month, a flying saucer crashed right into my front yard. My mom screamed because I was throwing our dishware out the window, and I screamed because the strange green alien on our lawn was flawlessly dodging everything I was hurling at him.
“What brings you to our planet?” I panted, after I’d emptied our cupboards. “glorp,” said our red alien houseguest, affirming my question. “blorp,” said my normal human mother, trying to fit in.
“I’m here to take that,” the green alien said, pointing directly at a window, which the red alien was standing behind. Turns out, the reds and greens have been feuding for millennia in an intergalactic race war, which all started back when they were born differently with different skin colors.
My mother and I had no idea when we took in the red alien that he was a hunted race, or even an alien. But looking back, we should’ve realized when he couldn’t speak english and also had one really big eyeball in the middle of his face. We thought he was from Canada. Hindsight is twenty-twenty I guess. Or in this case, more correct than what we had previously thought.
So for the past month, this whole race war thing has really been messing with my life. Every day, green aliens arrive on our doorstep in droves, demanding to be let in and politely leaving when we say no.
We recently learned that our red alien friend is the last of his kind. I guess the green aliens having two eyes instead of one is a bit of a genetic advantage in their war, and their politeness on top of that really adds to the validity of their racial superiority argument. The red alien just invited himself in, eats our food, and sleeps in my mom’s bed.
Well I’ve gotten sick of it, so today I’m going to let this green fellow on our porch inside. But as as soon I open the door, the red alien tackles me to the floor, covers my face in red alien dye, kisses my mom, and vaults out the back window, never to be seen again. The massive green alien—naturally larger than reds can ever grow to be—takes one look at me, sees my red face, and wipes the dye off in one fell swoop, apologizing for the inconvenience. That was the last we ever saw of the greens too.